如何成为一名领导者

通往幸福的秘密

奥普拉是美国最有影响力和最富有的女人之一。她对美国社会和文化影响深刻。她有点石成金的魔力。每一本书或每个产品,经她推荐,都能价值不菲。事实上,她的知名度已大到无需再使用她的全名了,人们都知道谁是那个奥普拉。奥普拉成功的秘诀是什么?用她自己的回答:

“要改变你现在的生活,最简单也最棒的一件事是开始感激你现在所拥有的一切。感恩的心越真切,你得到的就会越多。”

这其中的道理是非常深刻的。我们往往只关注于我们没有的东西:“噢,天哪,要是我升职……我有一个迷人的太太……我有一辆宝马7系列的车就好了。”

我二十岁和大部分三十岁的时光也是在这种情绪里度过的。年轻时的我是同辈里面最刻苦、最有抱负、最不安分的。我总是在“快车道“,冲劲十足。一个硕士文凭不够,我读两个。我不仅同时攻读这两个学位,我还兼有一份工作。当我在31岁时被任命为洛杉矶市副市长的时候,我仍觉得这些成绩不足以让我开心满足。我总是不安分地给自己更多的挑战,“下一步在哪里?下一个能让我开心的挑战是什么?”

而现在,我的下一个挑战——每天都履行感恩的准则。

感恩可以有不同的方式。奥普拉的方式是记录感恩日记。每天晚上,她会回忆并写下当天五件让她感激的事情。事实上,要把感恩作为每天必修的功课,就必须像运动员为了比赛而每天进行训练一样,要一心一意地专注于此,需要你每天无数次在二选一的关头选择感谢而不是抱怨和刻薄。

就像恪守其他任何一种原则一样,这需要真的亲历亲为,而且有时会很难。例如,如果你面对一个流氓老板,怎能心生感激呢?我在以后的博客里会和大家讨论怎样对付流氓老板,但是现在,我只想说:虽然你没有能力控制别人,但是你自己的愉快心情是掌握在自己手里的,不要把这个权利丢掉。或许你老板真是一个自大的,不道德的白痴,但这其实反而给了你告诫自己,不能让这样的人控制了你的生活和幸福。

恪守感激原则的神奇效果是:内心幸福的小宇宙会很强大,更大的成功会随之而来。一直懂得感激,并从中获得快乐,你会神奇的发现成功开始在你的生活中成倍增长。你的乐观态度让更多美好的事情发生在你身上。这种气场好像磁铁,让别人想和你在一起,想帮助你。

作为与管理人才打交道的猎头,我每天都要花大量时间会见和评价全球成功的CEO以及其他管理者。与他们交往我看到的是,从感激里营造快乐是持续成功最重要的推动力,就好像让火箭一飞冲天的发射台,感激能够让你越走越远。

**我希望你们点击这个博客的评论,因为博客读者David Lam在里面提供了一些有用有趣的建议,教大家每天如何找到值得感激的东西。

Discussion

20 Responses to “通往幸福的秘密”

  1. I don’t watch Oprah but do respect her way of living and what she’s done for society. So it was a pleasant surprise to read this article and think that she and I share a common perspective of life, which is to be grateful for what you have.

    I’ve “grown up” in the field of consulting, a fast and furious environment that’s geared towards looking for that “What’s Next?” You walk in the door with a goal already set of making consultant. Before you know it you find yourself striving to become an expert in this, an expert in that, making the next level, meeting tight time lines and sales numbers. I’m guilty of being caught up and not noticing the years fly by, but last year it hit me and decided I need to slow down and appreciate life more. As a result I created a Twitter account, Treasureeachday, to capture things I’m thankful for each day and share them with friends and family. It’s really helped me to slow things down, be thankful of things in my life and put things into perspective.

    I’d like to add to your piece by talking a little bit about what goes into a “Daily Gratitude Journal.” The hardest part is building that positive attitude to recognize things to be grateful for. I found myself starting and stopping at first, because there were days where I didn’t think there was anything to be grateful for, or think life can’t be great every day. I think for others reading this article it might be even more challenging to start, because you may think well “that’s Oprah, she’s the most powerful influential woman in America, she does so much that it would be easy to find something each day. I’m just a “normal” person compared to her, how can I expect to have something of significance each and every day of my life?

    My answer is Happiness is relative. What Oprah is grateful for each day, will be different from what makes you grateful for each day. Think about things that make you laugh and smile, they don’t have to be grandiose or glamorous. As you think about it, you may come to the same realization as I did, which was the things that make us happy are very simple and unique to us. Some of my own examples are: being out in the first snow, playing tennis with my brother, calling my grandma, truly simple things, but they make me smile and warm my heart.

    I recommend that everyone should at least give it a shot. Try it for a week, if nothing else you will at least learn a little bit about the secrets of your own happiness.

    Cheers and may you find each days happiness,

    David

    Posted by David | 2010-05-11, 03:00
  2. David, what a beautiful and articulate comment! Thank you for providing your rich personal insights, and these practical tips on how to find things to be grateful for each day. I’ve updated the blog post in Chinese and English to encourage all the readers to scroll down and review your comment. And I’ve signed up to “follow” you on Twitter – looking forward to gaining more inspiration from you there and on this blog. Joy

    Posted by Joy | 2010-05-11, 03:28
  3. Hi Joy, is it coincidence ? when I just feel depression, then your aarticle suddenly pop out in my email box in the right time. it is impressed. When we have grateful heart,it will help us to go though the hard time and become appreciate to what have received.

    Posted by Kitty | 2010-05-11, 03:42
    • Kitty, I’m so glad to know that this blog post is helpful! Yes, I know that when times seem bad, it can be hard to find things to be grateful for. David Lam below provides some wonderful thoughts on how to do this. Take care, Joy

      Posted by Joy | 2010-05-11, 03:53
  4. Hi Joy, this is excatly what i need in my life right now. Thanks a lot!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Posted by Christine Kirk | 2010-05-17, 13:55
  5. 文章很精彩!

    是的,感恩太重要了!我有时候也没有办法静下心来想象别人对自己的好,我决定从今天开始写“感恩日记”,从心底回想自己究竟生活在这个世界上有多么幸福。

    我相信这不仅对我现在的学习生活,或者是将来的工作都会有极大的帮助。

    Posted by MyCelestial | 2010-07-20, 02:24
  6. Hi Joy,i hope i could get this website earilier cause i can learn a lot from you.
    Thanks! hope to meet you in shanghai this christmas with your two daugters!

    Posted by Ling | 2010-07-24, 23:17
    • Ling: Welcome to my blog! I’m so glad that you find it helpful. I don’t yet know when my next trip will be (probably 2011), but will announce it here, and look forward to seeing you then! Joy

      Posted by 陈愉 Joy Chen | 2010-07-25, 00:15
  7. 我常常在想什么是幸福。很多人都说幸福很远,因为幸福总是包含着人们无尽的期盼和愿望。愿望又往往是高于生活和现实的。于是,渴望幸福的人们便开始了无穷无尽地追寻。当他们终于达到一开始设定的幸福的时候,却又发现这种长久以来期盼的幸福也跟每天的routine一样只是一件事情,或者一个人,又或者是一碗好吃的面那么简单。曾经被朋友问过,什么是幸福的形状。我交她睁开双眼,认真地打量她周围的人和包裹她的世界。我告诉她,你能看到的,能感受到的,不就是幸福的形状么?这些都是你所能触碰到的东西,给你变幻莫测的经历,让你苦痛又欢欣!想起一个词语“无欲则刚”。当一个人减少自己欲望的阀值,他/她也同时降低了自己的心理负担。简单的一切最美。而我们却常常忘了。这是我想与你分享的joyful value:)

    Posted by 张孟 meng zhang | 2010-08-01, 13:45
  8. Hello, Joy. I’m so lucy to read this article. While choosing the direction of my life in the future, I became much confused. That the long distance between my dream and the reality, the huge responsibility, and the philosophy of life, were all colliding in my brain. So in the last few months, I fell into the bad atmosphere full of sorrow, which leads me to be angry, self-abased, and lonely.

    After reading the article, I think maybe the most thing that I should not forget, whatever I make the choice of my life, is gratitude. Gratitude to all I have had now: my dearest father and mother and their precious love to me, my dear friends, my healthy body and even the peaceful life everyday. Still I don’t lose my hope to fighting for the dreams.

    I think I’v find the way to keep calm in my heart. Thank you very much!

    Posted by Lynn | 2010-10-11, 17:34
  9. Joy, 期待你分享如何“面对一个流氓老板,怎能心生感激呢?”在我的职业生涯中我就遇到过这样非常自大,非常自私,喜欢玩手段,很令人讨厌的上司。面对工作方式和理念与自己如此相悖的人,我选择离职去逃避。但是,我内心深入我对自己最后的选择心存疑虑,因为我觉得自己没有做好这门功课,没能克服对人的道德和情感判断,完全就事论事,把注意力放在工作本身。但是,内心累积的反感真的很难去克服,一个人也很难放下自己的道德判断和道德理念。我很想知道,面对自己特别反感人,我们应该如何学去感恩,如何学会去相处?逃避不是最佳的吧?!

    Posted by Daisy | 2012-05-31, 20:22
  10. 你好,真的很开心能认识到你,你的文章给我的触动挺多的,谢谢你。

    Posted by zhenzhen | 2012-07-20, 00:14
  11. 很认同Joy关于获取幸福的方法-怀揣感恩之心。 这将提升你的幸福感。更重要的是我们需要将感恩转化为具体的爱的行动,去帮助那么需要得到帮助的人, 去撒播爱。 其实施比得更幸福。

    Posted by Laurel | 2012-11-15, 22:27
  12. 虽然现在还不能理解和体会感激的神奇。但是心存美好,内心的力量是强大的。我试试,并且坚持下去,很好奇会发生什么O(∩_∩)O~

    Posted by mmmsunshine | 2013-01-20, 04:59
  13. 你好,Joy,我目前还是一名在校大学生,一次看杂志认识了你,被你的魅力折服,一直希望自己可以成长成为像你一样的有影响力的女性,优雅知性,在生活和事业游刃有余。可是有时却很迷茫不知道自己该怎么走,读你的文章触动很大,真的很高兴认识你,最近刚读完你写的书,希望可以和你交流与得到指点。谢谢

    Posted by 袁晓慧 | 2013-05-21, 04:55
  14. JOY,很感谢您的分享和博爱,让我们能更深层次认识自己和学习提升自己,目前正在拜读您的作品,正在努力的去理解和学习。看到您我就能感觉到力量。很后悔以前为什么没有早点看到您!什么时候有见面会,很希望能和您面对面的交流,感恩!!!

    Posted by 倩倩 | 2015-05-04, 19:33

Post a Comment