如何成为一名领导者

善解人意是快乐成功的关键

你怎样赢得未来英国女皇的芳心?我曾经读过一个故事,关于伊丽莎白女皇如何在菲利普亲王和另一位追求者中做选择,当然这个追求者的名字后来也淹没在历史中无从知道了。

伊丽莎白女皇和飞利浦王子年轻的时候

  • 对于另外那个追求者,她的评价是:“每次我和他在一起的时候,我会觉得他是世界上最有趣的人。”
  • 对于飞利浦王子,她说:“每次我和他在一起的时候,我觉得是世界上最有趣的人。”

善于倾听的人最终赢得了心仪女人的芳心。不管在生活中,还是在工作中,关注他人是通向成功的关键。

有一本很棒的书叫《一生的顾客,它是这么定义善解人意的:

  • 理解和我们一起工作的人的性格、观点、目的和价值观
  • 建立深入的、有意义的、私人的和专业的关系
  • 以恰当有效的方式回应别人

当你在跨文化的环境中工作的时候,善解人意变得尤其重要,因为这意味着你不仅仅要倾听别人说的话,还需要理解他们的想法。此外,我们还需要考虑到对方身处的环境。比如他身上的压力,或者他工作得是否开心等等。

人们往往会带着预设的目的来与人聊天。然而我们常常犯的一个错误是太过专注于我们要传达的信息,以致忽视了要表达感情,而这些细节恰恰能帮助我们最好的传达我们要传达的信息,让我们想说的话不仅被对方听到,还能够起到效果。

培养善解人意四步走

1.  真心实意地对其他人感兴趣。美国管理大师Peter Drucker曾说过:“比起那些抽象的东西,我总是对人更感兴趣。。。人对我来说不只更有趣和多样,而且更有意义,就因为他们是不断发展、变化、并成形的。”如果你留心观察你身边的人,你就会发现其实他们都很有意思。和许多孩子一样,我小时候很喜欢动物。我去杜克大学上学就是冲着它排名第一的海洋生物专业去的。当我进入杜克大学以后,我选了很多文学,宗教,历史的课程,我才发现原来世界上最有意思的动物其实是人类。现在我很喜欢猎头的工作是因为我对人总是充满了无限好奇。我能认识许多人,我从每个人身上都能学到很多东西,并通过这些人更好地认识这个世界。

2.  保持谦虚。人们的谦虚程度随着他们的职位和收入的升高而递减,而这种趋势有可能会非常危险。当他们在公司里职位越来越高,他们会越来越自我为中心,直到有一天突然意识到整个公司已经疏离他们了,下属也不再听他们指挥了。不要让这种情况在你身上发生,善解人意需要谦虚的态度。

3.  培养自我认知和情绪控制要做到善解人意,自我认知是重要的前提。我在之前的博客里写过这方面的话题。懂得控制情绪则是自我认知的重要组成部分,我会在以后的博客里专门讨论。但是在这里,我先简单地归纳为保持冷静是达到善解人意的必要条件。

4.  全心投入地倾听。研究者归纳出三种层次的倾听:

  • 第一层:深层次倾听,积极观察,解读非语言的信息,并感知言外之意。
  • 第二层:听到所有东西,不一定理解全部意思。没注意非语言的信息,例如肢体语言和语调。
  • 第三层:只听到部分对话,丢掉了剩下的信息。

我们总处在忙碌的状态以致于大部分人只达到倾听的第二层和第三层。花点时间,练习把生活中谈话的注意力更多地放到第一层,然后一直这样练习下去。

学会善解人意是一个一生的过程,但也是个愉快的过程。人的本性决定了你不能跟每个认识的人都保持深层次的关系,但是如果你跟随着这些步骤,你能很大程度的扩大你的关系圈,让你在事业中更成功。同时更上一个高度地去和人认识学习交往,这个过程本身也是一种乐趣。

读者聚会的时间地点是:6月12日,星期六,北京,19日,星期六,上海。详情请点击这里

Discussion

11 Responses to “善解人意是快乐成功的关键”

  1. 女王的经验倒是给我了很大的启发。谢谢!
    关于倾听,我想跟你分享我这个暑假学到的一个新的method。我的上司在跟客人会谈的时候,总是在她听完别人说话后把她所听到的重复一边。她告诉我,这是为了让别人知道她在倾听,也是为了能更好的理解别人的想法,更是为了减少因为误读而产生的失误:)

    Posted by 张孟 meng zhang | 2010-08-01, 14:59
    • Meng Zhang: This is the first time anyone has called me a Queen of Experience! I’m just glad to have a dialogue with friends worldwide on these important career issues. I think your boss is wise to repeat and confirm everyone’s understanding of a given conversation. It’s always amazing how two people who were at the same conversation can take away different messages! Joy

      Posted by 陈愉 Joy Chen | 2010-08-02, 00:51
  2. 学会善解人意是一个一生的过程,但也是个愉快的过程。人的本性决定了你不能跟每个认识的人都保持深层次的关系,但是如果你跟随着这些步骤,你能很大程度的扩大你的关系圈,让你在事业中更成功。同时更上一个高度地去和人认识学习交往,这个过程本身也是一种乐趣。

    Posted by 热血传奇sf | 2011-04-16, 01:00
  3. 为了要变得善解人意,我会在生活中努力倾听别人。

    我不是很喜欢讲话的人,除非遇到自己真正感兴趣感到有东西可以谈的话题;如果是了解不太多的,就听别人讲。有时候会问一些问题,讲话的时候总是很注意保护别人的面子,如果我们同时要讲话,我就会让对方先讲。

    曾经为一个问题困惑过,就是像我这种表面上不大开朗的人会在职场上遇到很大的阻碍吗?现在我完全不为这个问题担心了。 一个朋友的邮件很大程度上给了我信心“we were talking about people around us, all of us like you, though you don’t usually talk much”。

    总之我觉得人的心有多美满,生活的回报就会有多美满。

    在陈老师的博客里潜水很久了,作为一个有志于人力资源行业的学生,很期待6月从欧洲回来后,能面对面和老师交流。不知道老师这个称呼您是否习惯,反正能教我学习很多的人我都会叫老师啦:)

    Posted by 雅芳 Yafang Gao | 2011-05-02, 13:56
  4. 噢!评论结束以后才发现这是去年的文章…不过没有关系相信以后还有机会!

    Posted by 雅芳 Yafang Gao | 2011-05-02, 14:00
    • Yafang, I don’t think you need to be talkative to have a great career. It’s more important to be a great listener! I will be having more public events in the coming year so perhaps you will be able to attend one of those. I will post announcements of them on my blog so if you want to know about them, you can subscribe your email in the upper right corner of the blog.

      Posted by 陈愉 Joy Chen | 2011-05-02, 21:04
  5. 长久以来,人际关系极大地影响了我的工作和生活。很多东西需要自我探索。善解人意,让我了解别人对我的看法。往往我认为自己的状态,别人非常不认可。我认为我是谦虚的,别人不认为。也许很多地方需要改进。

    Posted by sherry | 2012-05-27, 01:48
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